A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
“It`s for my husband,” she tells the clerk.
“Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk.
“Are you kidding?” she says.
“He doesn’t even know that I`m going to shoot him!”
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast.
Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
“Henry,” she said, “I’ve just received a letter from mother saying she isn’t accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her.
What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn’t you?”
“Er, yes, I did,” said the husband.
“But I, I couldn’t spell ‘convenience,’ so I made it ‘risk.'”
A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.
He looks up from the page and says to her, “Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves peak?”
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, “Oh yeah? Why don’t you prove it.”
He frowns for a moment, then says, “Okay.”
He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, “Well I’m sure the cow and sheep didn’t, but the way that pig’s always squealing, how can you tell?”
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