A old man is in the surgery

 

                     

An old man is in the surgery, and he asks the doctor if there was any way he could find out if his wife was hard of hearing.

The doctor replied, “If she won’t come in for a hearing test, you could try talking to her when you get home. If you get no response, then move a little closer and repeat what you’ve said. If she doesn’t hear you at first, you can gauge just how deaf she is by how close you get, until she does hear.”

                     

Armed with this information, he sets off home.

                                                               

Opening the front door he notices his wife in the kitchen down the passageway, with her back to the door.

Closing the door quietly, he says to his wife, “Hi honey, I’m home, what’s for dinner?”

He gets no response, so he moves a little closer and says again, “Hi honey, I’m home, what’s for dinner?”

                                                              

Still no response; so he enters the kitchen,and says, “Hi honey, I’m home, what’s for dinner?”

                     

Again she doesn’t respond, so he walks up to her touches her arm and says, “Hi honey, I’m home, what’s for dinner?”

With that she reels around and shouts at him, “Bangers and mash, for the fourth bang time, you deaf bastard!”

A doctor goes to his office one Monday and is shocked to find that it has been ransacked and the files have all been mixed up.

He sees the file for Mrs. Smith, but her chart is mixed up with some of the others and he can’t tell which is which.

He finally narrows it down to two charts and he decides to call her house.

Mr. Smith answers the phone.

                         

“Mr. Smith, this is Dr. Jenkins. I have bad news. Your wife either has HIV or Alzheimer’s Disease, I don’t know which.”

“Well, what should I do?” asks a distraught Mr. Smith.

“Drop her off at the edge of town,” says the doctor, “and if she finds her way back, don’t bang her!”